i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
