so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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