trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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