He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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