I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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