Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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