and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he was CRYING into my vagina
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize