guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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