It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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