I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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