Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
