when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
