I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
false alarm. still invincible.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
