I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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