I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
