you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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