I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
