Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
