HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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