how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
