I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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