I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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