The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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