I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize