he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
