you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
