Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
