Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
