well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
