That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I could make wine with my vomit
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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