Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
