it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
