OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
