His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Still dying that you shit outside
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
