he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
