Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
