Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Everclear isn't food dammit
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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