I'm laying in your front yard are you home
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
