Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize