he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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