I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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