I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
