his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
