I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
