I accidentally burped into my bong.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
