Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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