i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
