areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
