I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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