My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize