He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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