6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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