this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
