im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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