NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Actions speak louder than pants.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
