Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
