new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
