I'm pants shitting drunk right now
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
