sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
