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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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