I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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