Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
