id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
