Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
