super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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