so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize