I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I have feelings that need drinking.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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