Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
