Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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