I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
