Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize