I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
