He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
