Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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