sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
