i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
