i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
