dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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