She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
