...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
