You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
