We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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