You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
