brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
They have beer where we have blood.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize