bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
