I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
