Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
