I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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