my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize