I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
