That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
