i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
