Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
