what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize